Still Seeking
by Ambrelle Shirak
Summary: A series of Interlude scenes taking place between Hide 'n Seek, and it's soon to be sequel Lost 'n Found. River/Jayne, cause, they're my OTP.
1. Unsent Letter

Mornin' Book,

Hope everythin' goin' good up there in the Land o' Bright and Shiny. Sorry about the last letter. I got kinda mad not being able t' figure anything out. You'll know, I wrote that four days ago, not long after I got it into my own crazy head that the crazy girl ain't so crazy when she's not bein, well, crazy.

So, I almost kissed her, you know that. But I didn't tell ya that she ran away from me. That Chase fella looped her up pretty gorramn bad. But she's all back to bein quiet-like and creepifying. Septic flushes ain't penance enough t' keep me outta that Special Hell. The li'l pixie knows just how much I been thinkin' on her, but she still voids me like I'm diseased. Mebbe she jus hates me.

Wish you were still round, havin' sum smart words fer me. Wrote home to Ma agin, but didn't say nuthin' bout the pixie. Even liftin' ain't helpin' me think no more. Keep lookin' fer moonbrain up on the catwalk, or crates, or sumthing. Still can't figure out when it all went t' _tian fuhn di fu_.

Sorry, preacher. Gotta watch m language if yer gonna be readin' this.

Right so. I guess I stopped thinkin' of them as mega-bounties after the whole… Ariel stuff. (now, I know you didn't like that none, so I wont' bring it up agin.) Still wanted 'em off the ship, cause they were all disruptifying. Y'remember how she got almost… normal 'fore we shipped you off at Haven? Couldn't think a' leavin' her anywhere.

But then 'course, I found the bear. 'member me writin' you 'bout that? The ballerina thing I found in that frilly shop? I still think I did right by her… apologizin' that way. Never had to say it neither, she knew rightly 'nuff. Sides, first time she smiled at me. Y'know how her smile was… y'got to see it fore you went off t sit with Him.

Pixie ain't never had a normal girliness. Thought on that a lot last night. She ain't never had frilliness, never had no boy datin' her, never got a summer dance or a corsagey. She went from li'l pixie girl, to deadly pixie assassin in, what, a year? Two? I'm never gonna furget the way she looked all… deadly and… and… not crazy… when them blast doors at Universe's moon opened up.

I'm gonna smack the doc, onna these days, fer coddlin her like he do. But whaddya say t' the brother of a girl who thinks she's bein more of a weapon than a girl? "'Member, she can break ya head open with her pinky finger"? this last week broke us all… the data chips she made me grab? Some of 'em had tortures recorded on 'em. Simon still thinks one of 'em is the moonbrain.

I need t'lock her up till she figgers out she's a girl, not a gorram weapon. Part a me wants to treat her like one a my girls, and the rest of me, sorry Preacher, but… it wants the fastest ticket to the Special Hell.

What'd you tell me, Shepherd? Do what's right? 'S voidin' her right? Do I gotta make her talk, or just ignore t'all? Wish I knew. Wish ya could tell me. Maybe some thievin' and trim on next planet-fall'll figger it out fer me.

Jayne


	2. Dancing In Circles

Jayne had to admit. These Beauridge Township folk really knew how to throw a festival. He hadn't been able to enjoy the likes of one of these since he left his own home moon. There were probably upwards of two hundred people gathered in what would have been a sleepy little town. Some folk were from near sixty kilometers away and had taken more than two days to reach Beauridge. Amid all the laughter and camaraderie, there was a good deal of business going down. Jayne walked past one man who seemed to be haggling over a number of cattle to trade for his daughter.

He'd already made himself acquainted with some of the local girls, so he had options and his pick of willing female flesh for the night. But instead of wandering around the festival with them on his arms, he meandered it alone. No one had seen any sign of trouble and it was getting on toward dusk. Mal and Zoë were engaged at a sharpshooter's booth with a crowd of youths cheering them on. Inara had managed to let her guard down long enough to accompany Kaylee and Simon to the oversized buffet. Jayne had sampled some of the fare, and planned on headed back that direction.

Once he found the moonbrain.

Either she was playing some impressive game of Hide and Seek, or he just didn't understand where to look for her. He took his time, wandering around the festival, until he started to get worried. Until the uproar of applause and cheers rose up, he didn't think that she would be the center of any sort of attention. Peering over the heads of the settlers, he spotted her. And everything in his stomach soured.

She was smiling (_Smiling!_) at some calf-eyed local boy. He had one of her hands lifted high over her head, and was stamping his foot to the beat of the ragtime band. She was spinning. Up on her toes, to let the heel of her boot briefly touch the earth, then up on her toes again. Repeatedly. Her dark hair spun around like a shawl. Even as Jayne watched, she abruptly stopped spinning, only to turn into the young man's arms. His free hand looped around her waist, and they skipped off into a circle of other dancers.

A muscle under Jayne's left eye ticked. He wasn't making any sense to himself. He was jealous of the local bloke because he was getting to dance with River. Jayne had to remind himself that River had run away from him. Jayne thought about it for a few seconds, and realized, if he gave it any more thought, he was just going to turn around and walk away.

Instead, he pushed his way through the crowd over toward the band. Laying a handful of coin down on the lid, where they rattled for a moment. Leaning down a bit, he tried his hardest to sound his nicest. The pianist grinned, and did as he requested. The whole band followed in his wake a few moments later, morphing from the quick ragtime, into a slower, more sedate tune.

As River came around the dirt floor, Jayne stepped out, and tapped her partner on the shoulder. The merc didn't know who's face showed more surprise: the poor kid, or River. With a squeeze to the shoulder, Jayne urged the young man off. He caught River's hand before she could turn to flee.

"We need t'talk, pixie." He whispered lowly, giving her a tug closer and wrapping his other hand around her hip. Jayne glanced toward the band for a moment, hesitating as he couldn't remember which beat to lead off with. Finally, River's fingers tightened on his, and he stepped to his right.

River followed him easily. "Unsure which topics are open for discussion," she returned in a soft whisper. She kept her eyes trained on his chest, unwilling, or maybe unable to look him in the eye.

"Why'd ya run?" Jayne wanted to stop dancing and just berate the answer out of her. His steps faltered, and he would have stepped on her foot had she not quickly moved it. She kept her face carefully lowered, focused so hard on the fabric of his shirt, he wondered if it would catch fire.

She was silent for a long time, and for once, Jayne let her be silent. Least she wasn't running from him, and she was still dancing with him. Gentle pressure from a hand or a foot against the inside of his leg kept him moving in the right direction. Jayne felt like the song would end before she would answer him, and he got antsy about it.

"Strings are tangled." She finally murmured. "Makes the water muddy."

"Can't ya just talk straight to me? Just once?" The strident tone of pleading in Jayne's voice actually forced her to look up. She studied the stricken expression on his face, for a few moments, before she was broken away by a slow spin, stretched out to the full length of their joined arms. And then spun back in. Her hair obscured her face.

"You're a knot." She stated after a few moments.

"I'm a what?"

"A knot. Thoughts tangled. No place to go. No lines to follow." The song was beginning to wind down, and already River's eyes were darting about, as though she were looking for some place to escape to. Before the song could complete, Jayne shifted his grip, clamping his big hands down over her little arms. He didn't have to bodily haul her to the side; he began to, but she skittered with the pressure of his hand rather easily.

Once on the sidelines, Jayne glared down at the girl. He defiantly still thought of her as a crazy girl, but she was right. He got all tangled up when he was around her. Didn't know what to say, or how to say it. River still refused to look directly up at him. They each were silent, which began to lead Jayne to wondering just how much of his thoughts she was picking up.

"Afraid…" she suddenly whispered.

Jayne loosened his grip, blinking. She had begun to shake. She peeked up at him from beneath her hair, and the cold terror in her eyes shook Jayne to the bone. She was afraid of him? This little psycho killer that could easily drop him whenever she so pleased? Jayne's hands fell from her arms like lead.

River stepped back, shaking her head very slightly. "Afraid of the pattern to be revealed…" She took another step, and Jayne raised a hand.

"Pixie, don't go runnin' off agin." It came out more growling and threatening than he had meant it to be. But she was already gone, leaving a horrible sour taste in Jayne's mouth. He scratched the back of his neck, grumbling in Chinese to himself. "Coulda least 'splained…"

Feeling eyes latched on him, Jayne looked up to see the boy River had been dancing with earlier. He seems upset that his dance partner had run off, until Jayne glared at him. Instead of baiting to the fight Jayne was spoiling for, the boy ran off. Glumly, Jayne kicked at some dirt, and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Gorramn strings… Ruttin' crazy talk solves nuthin'."


	3. Tangled Threads

Sleeping? Awake?

Alive, alive, dead.

Alive, dead, alive.

Dead. No. NO. Not him. Please, anyone but him. I don't want to see. I don't want to know. Push it away. Push it away. Never want to know. Dead face staring, eyes open wide. Fills the brainpan with such nonsense. Not true. Not real. Nothing is real, no one is true. I don't see what I see. I don't hear what I hear.

Promises, on the wind. Like whispers in an ear. Barely heard, but understood. Always there, to be broken. Promises that shatter like a dropped glass. Like a bullet in the brainpan. Boom. No more River. No more Simon, no more Jayne... No more laughter, no more tears. Why can't every story end happy?

The nighttime is for sleeping. So peaceful in repose. Face looks dead. Waxy and still, made up for life. Wrong. Facsimile. Fake. Not brother! Not Simon!

Alive, alive, dead.

How did they get to be the lucky ones? Why am I still standing with them? No. It should be me. It should be me. I'm the one. Get the voices out of my head, a splinter in my brainpan. A splinter.

Shiv of wood. Good as a knife. Carved and sharpened, rubbed on stone to get a point...

Can't sleep the dark will eat me. Can't eat, the dark will sleep me. Both true, yet both false. Core statements are negative. Therefore entire thought is a fallacy. False, truth. What is the difference? When reality is perceived is it not still reality? I reject your reality and insert my fantasy. Too much. Too quick. Can't shut it off. Won't lay down. Can't lay down. Things are out there. Danger.

Terror. Love.

Hatred. Respect.

Mistrust. Lust.

It's all too much. They're all scared of me. Even Simon. I shouldn't have made the code so complex. He would have found me faster. Couldn't risk his being caught... couldn't risk having to kill my _ghuh ghuh_. Couldn't bear losing him. Not the way I lost my mind. Didn't lose mine, lost theirs. Two by two, just like an ark. Two by two…

So cold... so cold.

* * *

Didn't realize how far the temperature had dropped, till the pixie started shiverin' and talkin' in her sleep. Here one minute, gone the next. She was promisin' me just before sundown, that Mal and the rest'd be back for us. She was so positive, so sure of it. Course ain't our fault we got left behind. Alliance came, shots were fired. Our job interrupted. Mal got shot. Can't says I worry 'bout him. Gorram fool standin' out in the open like that. Guess the we just got forgot in the confusion. More'n likely, Mal got shot bad enough that they had to run, and run fast.

This little backwater moon gets awfully gorram cold at night. The Alliance are still lookin' for us, so I couldn't risk a fire. River's not wearin' much beyond her usual floppy sundress thing and a sweater. She's shiverin' so hard her entire body's rockin' with it. I found us a holeup in a little cave, rocky little place, not much for comfort. We seemed to've found a way t'sit so's neither of us is too close t'other. But I been thinkin', and when I get t'thinkin' it usually takes me a while to come up with an answer.

She's makin' me feel like a heel. Shiverin' and lookin' all sad like that. 'Sides, Mal wouldn't like it much if I let her freeze t'death up here. Can't think about it too much, or I won't do nuthin'. So I scoot across the distance, and I unbutton my jacket. She's just watchin' me now, all glassy eyed. But soon as I go t'wrap her up in my jacket, suddenly... she's _there_.

We been 'voidin' each other pretty seriously since our li'l dance down at Beauridge. I keep tryin' li'l ways of makin' her know that we still need t'talk. Been about… three, mebbe four weeks though. So we gots an understandin', no talkin'. She still thinks I'm… _tangled_. But I been thinkin'. Lot more since we sorta got stranded here. No matter what I been doin', she gets all weird 'round me. Crazy-like, all again. Like she gets when Simon and Kaylee are havin' a lovers spat, 'r when Mal's britches are in a bunch…

So her bein' all _there_… kinda unnervin'.

It's a difference in the way she's lookin' at me. Feels like she's lookin' right through me. Like she just as sudden knows all my thoughts, 'n secrets. Unsettlin'. Can't look her in the eyes. Too much is stripped away. I scowl, clench my jaw, and grab her arm. I ain't gentle when I pull her onto my lap. She weighs bought as much as a bundle o' feathers. An' she folds up and fits right there just like she were gorram born to it.

_Ai yah tien ya_. After acceptin' that she weren't ever gonna get near me with a ten-foot-pole…?

Her knees almost touch her chest, and her arms are tucked under her cheek. She's actually restin' her head on my shoulder like… like we been somethin'. Can't say I ain't enjoyin' this, but I know I'm humped if Mal ever thinks I got less than honorable intentions. Course, I'm humped if I let her freeze t'death too.

"They'll come for us," she whispers, suddenly. And when I glance down, she's watchin' me like everythin' all natural. "Simon will make them come back."

"Glad yer so ruttin' sure," I grumble, readjustin' slightly. She wriggles. Gorram it. I think she's sneakin' a hand around behind my back. Like she's… cuddlin' or sumthin'. What the? She just nabbed sumthin' off my belt. Oh please, don't let the crazy girl have my knife…

* * *

Funny.

Everything clears up once he yanks me over into his grasp. The whole world becomes sharp and defined in my vision, my thoughts are clear as bells. His thoughts are background, muddled and confused. But not tangled. The lines are blurry, but not knotted. He is hiding something. Though I am curious, I do not pry too far. Jayne has been forever uncomfortable with that aspect of me. And so, I stow those thoughts away into a locker inside my mind, to be examined at a later period of unfrozen lucidity.

For now, I am content. I shift slightly, to get more comfortable, as Jayne is not soft or pliable in any manner. I cannot help but be aware of his brute strength. If I move wrong, or threaten wrong, I am liable to be broken in twain. And I am afraid of what I would do to him, should he try. Instead, I seek to assuage his fears, and turn his worry into confidence. Because it is only confidence that will help us out of this situation. I am aware that he is holding me. But… I am more aware, and more grateful, that he is _warm_. I slip a hand around behind his back, finding the communications device he keeps easily enough.

I feel his fear, and his muscle twitch acutely, and so bring my hand around once more slowly. I show him only the device, the small walky-talky with the limited range. "Open it for me?" I push it into one of his giant hands, and mime cracking it open. He's confused. And he begins to inquire to my motives. I cannot explain how I know what I can do… but I simply wish to do it. Survival instinct. Must get off this rock. Have a mission…

But I don't…

When Jayne cracks open the case, I am mildly jealous of how strong his grip is. I watch the tendon's pull in his arm, and suddenly, reach out to stop him before he rips the wires apart. I take the two halves back and balance them upon my knees. Then… I set to work.

* * *

She made a ruttin' distress beacon. Outta Serenity's radio bits. Handy! When she leaned out of the safety of my jacket, to place the beacon thing, all I wanted t'do was pull her back. Was cold suddenly. Lonely even; the idea o' holdin' onta her like this been in my head for so long now, under all them layers o' crap excuses. I guess I musta been rough, cause she made this sound… I wanted to apologize but I didn't. Had t' keep us warm. Wrapped arms right 'round her, pulled the jacket round the two o' us, and just held on. Won't ever get this close 'gin.

I ain't gettin' humped out no airlock 'cause o this. It ain't gonna happen. I'm savin' her. But the temperature keeps droppin'. I dunno how cold it's gonna get. River's already asleep… she's got little icicles in her hair from where I breathe on her… I got icicles in m' goatee, and it's ruttin' annoyin' as hell. Can't let m'self fall asleep. But it ain't workin'. I'm asleep with m'head on hers 'fore too longs gone by.

Sometime later, some boots nudgin' mine. Can't move fast… just barely get m'eyes open, squintin' outta froze up bits. I almost wanted t'sing a hallelujah chorus or sumthin', till I see the look on Mal's face. Like he's gonna shoot me. Takes forever, but I let go o' the _shao jeh_. I'm shiverin' t'beat the band, but… 'course it's River the doc tends to first.

"Care to explain just what in sam hill's goin' on here?" Mal growls at me.

I put my hands up a li'l further. "Jus' keepin' her warm!" Can't help but listen t' the doc and the kook.

"_Mei-mei_, open your eyes… you're safe now." He's rubbin' her face… and I can see her lips are blue. I'm scowlin' 'fore I even notice it.

"Such pretty colors," River mutters. _Mi tian gohn_, she's got herself a hand latched on my shirt. I lower my hands a bit to get her fingers off me, but Mal goes and pokes his pistol at the side of my head. My hands never touch the pixie. Simon scoops her up right easy, and I feel like I should be th' one carryin' her. I protected her. Kept her safe. And I get held at gunpoint.

Airlock fer sure this time.

The doc's talkin', bout how he's gotta warm us up slow-like, so we don't get no frostbite. I'm bound 'n determined to walk on my own two gorram feet, even if its gonna take me a bit. Sun's up. But it ain't no warmer outside yet. Here's t'hopin' Serenity'll give me a warmer welcome than the rest'a the crew did.

* * *

There comes a point in my sleep where I know I have slept too long. When the dreams become disjointed, and joined with other visions, other images, it is time for me to wake up. And wake up, I do. My eyes flash open to the stark whiteness of the infirmary. It's dark. Nighttime? Or simply dark to allow me to rest? Why am I here, and not in my bunk? When I sit up, I discover a thermal blanket draped over me. And the memories trickle back in..

The cold. The fear. The safety.

The sounds of a snort, and lip-smacking draw my attention to the reclined table in the center of the infirmary. I can't help but smile, almost laugh aloud. Jayne is draped there like some giant plush toy, all arms and legs. His feet and his hands are wrapped up… and I find myself worrying for frostbite. Soundless, I slip down from my ledge, and draw the thermal blanket around my shoulders. Pins and needles prickle at my legs and feet, forcing me to mince my steps.

I check the windows too. Make sure no one has been stationed to watch. Then I fix Jayne's own thermal blanket, brush my fingertips across the wraps on his hands. I step around him, smooth his hair gently. He looks like such a large child, sleeping so sprawled out. On impulse, I lean over, and brush a kiss to his forehead. "Thank you…" I whisper softly, against his skin. Before rising, I am sure to take a breath… sweat and man and gun oil…

Perhaps… what the untangled threads reveal is not so scary after all…


	4. With a Little Help From My Friends

Sometimes there was nothing but peace to be found. Mal's ocean-wave thoughts had warmed considerably since Inara had returned to occupy her shuttle. Inara's presence was like a sun-light warmed day, filling the ship once again with bemused smiles and little touches. It had been a good long while since Simon had been a boob in any way, so Kaylee's brilliant smiles were untroubled by any worry at all. Even Zoe found herself as content as she could be without Wash to lighten her soul. The only tension at all was Jayne's.

River avoided him without going out of her way to do so. It was a curious, subtle dance, one that many of the ship's crew missed seeing. It had never come as a strangeness for Jayne to act peculiar, but even Mal's threat of continued septic duty didn't stop him from staring after the slip of a girl as she ghosted from room to room. It was certainly clearer to him now, than it ever had been before. The more she avoided him, the more he wanted her. She'd even crept into his dreams, moving on light cat-feet, lingering at the edges of his women-filled nights. The dreams always ended the same: upon noticing River, he would pursue, only to be harried and hampered by the droves of women filling the gulf between the two. He was sure it had some deeper meaning, but he was buggered if he could figure it out.

Inara moved through the galley as he stabbed sullenly at his canned peaches. Jayne didn't bother looking up, even with the soft rustling of expensive silk, and the warm musk of her perfume came to an unexpected stop beside him. The Companion waited for a few moments before pulling out the chair beside him, and sitting down, smoothing her skirts with the palms of her hands.

"Do you have a moment?" She pitched her voice softly, meaning to keep their conversation private. No one else was in the galley at the moment, but that often changed throughout the black. Jayne grunted, and stabbed at another peach, before glancing up at the soft, gentle features of the woman beside him.

Inara was the kind of woman who made the black tolerable. She was easily among the most beautiful people Jayne had ever laid eyes on, and at one time, he'd thought he could never get tired of looking at her. She was a high-class whore, so high, in fact, that he didn't believe she could even see the ground at times. Jayne stuck his skewered peach slice into his mouth, and muttered something around it, causing Inara's brow to knit in concern.

"I want to talk to you about River."

Jayne nearly choked on the peach. Hastily swallowing, he coughed and fought to find some measure of his composure. Inara leaned slightly back from him, one hand raised demurely to her throat. After a minute or so of chest-pounding, Jayne finally swallowed his heart, and found his best scowl somewhere along the way. He hunched his shoulders, and tossed his fork into the peach can with a rattle.

"Ain't nuthin' to talk about." Something hard settled into the pit of his stomach. If the Companion could see what he was thinking, why hadn't he been spaced yet? He began to turn away from Inara, only to be stopped by a light touch against his arm. Inara's fingers retracted as soon as they had extended, as though she were touching something foul.

"I cannot pretend to understand, Jayne, but I see what you are going through. Nothing good can come of this. Whatever you are plotting-"

Jayne cut her off with a burst of laughter. The relief hit him so hard that he felt giddy with the lightness of it. She thought he was plotting. The Tams had always been a get-rich-quick-scheme for him; why should she see anything different? With a sigh, he pulled the can of peaches back, and stirred around in the remaining syrup for another slice. Unable to stop himself from grinning at the Companion's confusion, he ate himself another peach before thinking of anything to say.

"It ain't like that, 'Nara." He finally came out with. "It jus'... ain't like that anymore."

"Anymore?" Inara's curiousity began to show. The crew were more than an easy way to transport herself around the systems; they were friends, and confidants. Even one crass and crude Jayne Cobb. "What has changed?"

Jayne shrugged. He wasn't sure she wouldn't run off and tell Mal on him. He was sure the uncertainty of his thoughts would do him in. Inara read people like River Read minds. And she was just watching him, with those eyes. Jayne filled the galley with the clatter of fork on tin, while he fished around for another slice of peach.

"Jayne." Inara paused long enough for him to glance up. "Anything you tell me will be held in my utmost confidence. If there is anything I can do to help you overcome this..."

"Don't wanna overcome it." Jayne felt a flash of anger at himself as he spoke. Finally he turned toward Inara, deciding against all better judgement to just lay out his thoughts plain as day. It wasn't like he could talk to any of the men aboard about this sort of thing. "Look... she ain't so crazy no more. We got... we got some understandin' twixt us. I... I dunno what it means, but... I jus' wanna keep her safe."

Inara blinked. It wasn't often that she was taken off-guard, but this... Jayne's voice actually quaked. She heard more emotion layered beneath his words than she had expected to. Fighting to try to find something wise and knowing to say, Inara instead breathed a prayer. After a few more moments, Inara found herself trapped by Jayne's frantic stare. "What does River think about all this?"

As though her words had physically struck him, Jayne flinched, retreating back into his seat, and focusing, once more, on the haplessly empty can of peaches. "Says 'm all tangled..."

When Jayne showed no signs of continuing, Inara prompted gently. "Well, are you? Confused?" She had to clarify for his blank look. It both amused and distressed her that a man could be so dense.

"I ain't confused. I'm ruttin' humped! If Mal finds out what I been thinkin' on, I'm sure as spaced. She gets all spooked and creepifyin' when I git near, 'Nara. Cain't even talk to the girl."

Inara surprised him by standing up. She didn't speak, but instead cast him a quick glance. Jayne knew that look. It was a _I-can't-be-seen-talking-to-you _look. Jayne remersed himself in his empty can of peaches, while Zoe descended the stairs into the galley with clomping boots. Inara busied herself with something behind the counter; she found tea packets and pretended to be interested in their flavor varieties. Zoe glanced between the two of them in the cold silence, and grabbed a protein bar from a cabinet. For a moment, she exchanged pleasantries with Inara, before the widow retreated once more from the group.

When Zoe's foot falls had faded, Inara moved back over toward Jayne. She had two different tea packs in one of her hands; her other she laid lightly on Jayne's shoulder. "I will talk to her for you."

Jayne brightened considerably. The Companion talking to River. Nothing bad could come of it. At least maybe she'd get him a chance. First he beamed, then, as an afterthought, scowled. "How much coin this gonna cost me?"

Inara paused on her way out of the galley. She eyed Jayne critically for a few long moments, and pursed her lips in thought. After a few moments, she smiled her sweetest smile, the one that turned men to mush, and she touched her finger to her lips. "I shall bill you."

* * *

River was not nearly as elusive as she once had been. Often times, one simply needed to think of her, and she would come find you. Such was Inara's course of action at this point. She fixed River's wide-eyed gaze in her mind, and went about her shuttle preparing tea. She had chosen a traditional green tea for herself, but something much lighter, and sweeter for the young girl: white peppermint. A tea made from tea leaves so young, they were barely buds on the plant. Inara's hands were calm and confident as she poured the tea into two small cups.

Before she could even kneel at the small table to place them upon their coasters, there was a soft knock at the shuttle's door. Inara felt her lip quirk into a smile. Mal didn't knock, ever. So when someone did, she graciously accepted the courtesy.

"It's open," she called gently. She looked up moments after hear the door swish open, and shut again. Inara smiled to see River standing in the entrance way. Her long hair dangled in corkscrews around her shoulders, and there was a strange uncertainty in the way she regarded the Companion. Inara had the sudden thought that she should do something about River's wardrobe. The oversized cast-off clothes did nothing to make her look her age.

"River, please... have tea with me?" Inara settled herself down at the low table. After a few moments of lingering in the door, River followed suit, looking around the draped confines of the shuttle. How often had she spent time in here, chasing after Inara's ghost of peace and calm? Now, after so long of Inara being absent, the shuttle was filled with those feelings. Curling her hands around the cup, River finally understood that it was the woman, not the space, that created those feelings.

Inara watched as River carefully sniffed at the edge of her cup, as though she were trying to discover just what the tea was made of. What had happened to the girl to make her so careful of her food? Inara simply smiled when River glanced up to her, and after a moment, River returned the expression. Lowering the cup, River didn't partake of any tea, but instead fixed that all-knowing gaze upon the Companion.

"There's something you want to talk about." River observed quietly. "It causes you... concern..." There the girl went again. Sometimes, the reminder of what was done to her was harsh. She simply knew too much. Inara nodded slightly. But before she could give voice to her thoughts, River continued. "Did you untangle the lines? It's so hard to think straight..."

Inara sipped tea to calm herself, and find her center. "Only you can untangle the lines, River. I can only help you. But I need to understand. You need to tell me what's going on between you."

River shifted for a moment, and produced a small coin from the pocket of her tunic. Inara concentrated on the Reader's face, while River's attention was enraptured by the coin. "An exchange was made... money, for a secret. The trust infused became a knot. The knot saved the girl's life, when the weapon could not function." River placed the coin on edge, atop the table, and with a flick of her fingers sent the object spinning like a top. "The girl is afraid of where the tangled path will take her."

River's eyes flashed up from the spinning coin, to connect with Inara's steady gaze. The Companion didn't like the dictomy presented when River spoke of herself, always in two halfs: the girl, and the weapon. She sought her memory. How long had it been since Athens? A month? Perhaps two? Inara got the sense that this had been simmering for a long time before that.

"Is that why you're afraid? Because you can't know the outcome?"

River's brow knit immediately, but she shook her head. "Afraid of how Simon will accept the path. How angry Captain Daddy will be." River ducked her head as soon as the warmth of frustration flooded Inara's body. Malcolm. He would always be narrow-minded. Reaching across the table, Inara did her best to comfort the girl, laying one hand atop hers gently. River drew away. "You all see the girl, but fear the weapon..."

Inara drew breath to contradict her, but stalled upon realizing the truth. They were all afraid of what River could do. None of them understood it, not even Simon. She tilted her head, feeling her hair spill over her shoulder with the action. "But Jayne.."

"Respects both... trusted the weapon with his girls... Worried for the girl enough to save her, at risk of his own life."

Inara felt her mouth go dry. There was a rapport there, between them. The gruff mercenary whose world was defined by how much he was getting paid and when, had found something similar to himself in River. The same emotion she found so raw and hard in Jayne's voice was there in River's eyes, swimming behind the maelstrom that her thoughts took. For a few moments, Inara concentrated on her tea, sipping it to wet her tongue enough to speak.

"River." Inara spoke in nearly a whisper. "You need to talk to him."

"I know."

* * *

Four days, one planetfall, and one not-so-legal heist later, and the crew was beat. Jayne was doing what he was paid to do: heavy lifting. The rest of them had gone off to find their sweet rest in bunks. He was alone in the cargo hold, shoving heavy crates of ore into Mal's Super-Secret Hidey Hole. At least, he thought he was alone. When he turned back to retrieve the final crate, there was a surprise waiting for him. River perched delicately atop the box, standing on her tiptoes as she surveyed the hold. Jayne felt his stomach make an uncharacteristic twist at the sight of her.

As she turned, she folded her legs beneath her, gracefully collapsing into a seated poise. Jayne wet his lips, and scrubbed the back of his neck. Should he compliment her? Should he be daring and pursue her? He didn't think he could take if if she rabbited from him again. Instead, his brain misfired, and all he managed was a meek little wave.

River smiled, and slithered down from the crate. She approached, but stopped a respectful distance away. After a moment, she couldn't look him in the eye, her gaze instead dropping down to his hands, curled uselessly at his sides. The silence was weighing on him. Finally, Jayne cleared his throat.

"I ain't one on speechifying. I ain't got no fancy words, or none a' that clever mumbo-jumbo... But I gots loads to say..." He lifted his hands, as though to punctuate a statement. But his brain failed him as River reached out and took one of his hands with both of her own. A gentle tug on his fingers brought him a step closer to her. His heart stalled as she brought his hand up, and pressed it to her cheek, turning her face slightly into his palm.

All he could think about what how dirty his hands were.

She held him there, his palm pressed against her cheek, his fingers threaded through her hair. She was shaking, using his steadiness to hold herself still. After an eternity, her eyes drifted open, and she raised her gaze to him once more.

"We have to be secret..." she whispered against his hand. The feeling of her lips moving against his palm nearly brought him to his knees. "To protect you..."

"_Ai Yah Tien Ah_..." he fairly wimpered. "I don't give a damn about me.."

River pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist, just before she drew away. "But... I do..."


End file.
